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How To Find My Why-is one of the best questions for success!

Where does it hurt?

We all are going through life trying to avoid pain and gain pleasure and that is what influences the decisions we make so asking “how do I find my why ” is wrapped up in what gives you pain and pleasure.

I asked this question to myself because I knew it was very important in how successful I became here in writing blogs and without knowing my why I may give up. I am writing this blog for myself but also for others who may want success in some area of their life whether it is finances health or whatever goal you have.

Apparently when you teach someone something, you learn it better yourself, so I am double dipping in this blog, helping you I hope and myself as well. I kind of have an idea of my why because I think it is perhaps the thing that I most worry about, that pain in my … or where it hurts.

Now I want to make sure I know my why, because it is that clarity of knowing why we are doing what we are doing that will give us success in the goals we are looking to achieve. Otherwise, we can be wishy-washy (no it is not a word but you know what I mean) about the things we are trying to achieve.

Is IT About The Money?

If, you are looking at financial goals, we often say we want to make more money but behind that there are reasons why we want to make more money and it is finding those that really drive us. (If, you are look at want to make more income than check out WA where you can do what you love and make more income.)

Money is important because it is like breathing just try to live without it and see where you are. However, it is just a tool and the more we know our why the better we use that tool.

It takes us from a state of money controlling us to us controlling money. I am going to share with you one of my goals right now because apparently when you declare them to others it will help you reach them. If, you have a goal you would like to declare, put it in the comments below.

I am a little scared to say for fear I do not reach it, but I am also excited which I have read that is also a big determining factor in reaching our goals. They have to really excite us because enthusiasm will help motivate us.

My goal is to write one blog a day for the next 90 days as a way to reach my other goals. It is one blanket goal because it will cover my why’s that I am doing my blogging for. I have chosen 90 days because like seasons are 12 weeks and you see changes around you, so it is with setting your goals for 90 days. Perhaps you will not reach them entirely but you will see changes.

What are your goals that you really want to reach?

I wrote a post on doing goals in 90 days because I think it is a big help in motivation because the time is close enough but not to close. Back to the pain and pleasure in our life that helps us or hinders us. Maybe your goals is getting out of debt and it seems like it can never happen or maybe you want loose weight because of the pain it causes with your  health or self-esteem.

Maybe you do not have retirement savings so you have to keep working. Regardless of what your goals are you can reach them by tapping into the emotional power behind the pain and the pleasure of taking action or not taking action towards your  goals. Since we are wired to avoid pain and go towards pleasure we can use that as a way to reach our goals and to find our why.

How to Get Out of Debt?

I know many people struggle with debt or not having enough finances so let’s say your goals or your why is you want financial freedom. First you want a vehicle that would take care of you getting beyond just paying the bills and you have money left over for your goals, whether it is vacationing, spending more time with people you like to hang out with.

I would recommend  again here at Wealthy affiliate where you learn the skills, to make a really great income online and the good thing about it, is you can do that, by doing whatever you are interested in, with a community who are all working towards the same dream. Just check out this review on it, that shows you how it works.

Maybe you already have that vehicle and that is great and to get your  why for whatever you are looking to achieve, get two sheets of paper and each piece you write down at the top “Avoid pain” and than in another column you put “gain pleasure”.

Then you list the pain that you are going to avoid by not taking action and the pleasure you are going to gain by not taking action on one piece of paper and on the other piece of paper you list the pain of taking action and the pleasure of taking action.

I will share some of my list as an example. This list applies to someone trying to have more income, but If your goals are  about loosing weight or becoming more healthy or what ever you want to change in your life you can apply this exercise below to help find your why. I found by asking myself the question and than letting it simmer awhile before I answered it, I was able to be more clear.

Not Taking action:

The pain of not taking action

  • been always short of cash or not having enough for extras.
  • Having to keep working because there is no retirement savings.
  • Continued financial stress
  • what if I get sick and cannot work?
  • Having to get another job to pay the bills.

The pleasure of not taking action.

  • I can stick with the same routine.
  • I can watch TV in my spare time.
  • I do not have to worry or fear about failing.
  • I do not have to learn something new and be uncomfortable.


You are ready for take of, when you can make your  reasons for taking action towards your goals be more painful than not taking action and the pleasure you gain by taking action more than the pleasure you gain by not taking action.

I may share a few more of mine for now taking action and I think this will resonate because we are all more alike than we are different.



The pain of taking action

  • what if it does not work?
  • If It does not work and I have put all that time in?
  • I cannot watch TV as much, if I want this to work fairly soon.
  • I am not computer savvy so am I going to know enough to make it work?
  • What if other people say it will not work and I have no support?
  • It is going to take a lot of work so I cannot be as lazy as I sometimes like(lol) Be honest since we sometimes want to be lazy. It is easy to get excited on the beginning but when comes to the hard work is when we need to commit afresh daily.

The pleasure of taking action and this one is a lot more fun than looking  at the pain.

  • I am doing something I really enjoy.
  • I may never need to worry about bills again with having these online marketing skills.
  • The satisfaction of learning new things.
  • The satisfaction of been productive with my time.
  • This one is a big one for me and that is I am creating a passive income for myself and getting more time back in my life.
  • I have extra income for more choices in life and be specific about those choices. I have my list of what choices and for now it is a secret, however when I reach each goal I may write a blog to let you know. Keeping this a secret is motivating to me to get the work done because it is exciting to have a secret and sometimes we cannot wait to share.(lol)
  • The satisfaction of achieving the goals.
  • Cutting down on a lot of stress, because did you know that much stress is caused by not doing that which we said we were going to do ?(can I get an amen because I certainly can relate to that)

How do you feel about Goals?

How I felt about goal setting was very important to look at, because we have all achieved goals in our life and sometimes without effort and sometimes with a lot of struggles and I think as a result we have confusion around goal setting. Is it easy or is it difficult and maybe we are reluctant to set them because we set them before and it did not work. That was me.

Let me know in the comments what your experience around goal setting has been like and if you have tips that have helped you. I think it is important knowing what success is to you and look at that. Often we look at reaching our goals as success but to me it is about our natural state of being and not what experiences we have had or not had and not about the goals we reach or do not reach.

How long does an experience or a goal that we have reached give us pleasure, usually not for long so we are chasing the next goal or the next experience. When our state of been is contented we can be unattached to the outcome and enjoy each moment we have in whatever we do. I personally feel that sometimes we are reluctant to set goals because on a deeper level we know that they are not what fulfills.

Not attached to the outcome of our goals.

When we have done some soul-searching and we know what our definition of success is and we have our why because we have looked at what will give us the most pleasure, now it is time to let go of the outcome. By doing this it may seem like a contradiction but it is not.

I have worked at commission for over 30 years and my experience has taught the more I let go of the outcome, the more I enjoy it and the better I do. If, I am in that state of not been attached to the outcome the process seems effortless.

You may even decide to chuck the goal and that is okay or you may decide to keep going but you are now enjoying the journey to get there. Plus you may not get exactly where you wanted to be as I said in the 90 days success plan, you see awesome changes, that propel you to keep on keeping on.

Stop the insanity!

Without looking at the pain and the pleasure that governs our actions, and what success is to us sometimes it is what stops us from taking action. It simmers in our being unless we look at it, but not just look at, but also be willing to let it go. Without looking at it, this saying often applies “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results”. I would substitute the word insanity for pain.

I know for me I had a lot of doubt because I had tried so many things that I felt did not work, but now from look at this I realize, it really did work because I am still working on it and have not given up. I have gained clarity from those experiences as to what is important. I have found my definition of success and work towards it daily. Now I have learned to know a great opportunity.

Now I have my list of why’s and my vehicle to take me towards my goals, is how I ended up here at Wealthy Affiliate with a lot of other people who are learning marketing skills for online success. There were no red flags regarding the opportunity and they let me try it for free, so I could test it for myself and if one of your goals is more finances, check it out for yourself and see if you feel the same.(it is free and no obligation so you do not have to take out your  credit card.

Have You Found Your Why?

I hope this post is helpful to you in answering your goals question “how to find my why”. If, you  have a goal you are looking to achieve and you would like to join me on my 90 day journey let me know.

I am excited about my plan and I would even more excited with others to share it with. Do you know what the letters in team stands for? It is “together everyone achieves more”. I think if we all work together on our goals we can spur each other on but if you do not want to, I wish you all the best with yours.

Let me know in the comments below if you are up for it. You can join me on the journey and it does not matter what your goals goals are. However, if it is trying to get out of debt and you need a vehicle to make that happen than you can learn the skills here to put a website up, on what you love to do and than get traffic to your  website and get paid from that traffic.

Thank you for visiting my website and as I said if you take the time to find your  why you will find more clarity in your  life, whether you choose to go ahead with your goals or not. Since finding your why is about dealing with your pain as well, there can be added benefits to that.

In our society we look at showing hurt as a form of weakness and so we cover it up which sometimes results in anger which sometimes is associated with strength. There is more strength in admitting our weakness then there is in covering it up and pretending to be stong and not admitting our pain.

In the end finding our why is just a good thing because you have more freedom. Before I go I just to have to tell you that this is the quickest post I have done, so I am also going to say I bet we would perhaps have more time by commiting to a time frame, because we are making the most out of our time. Okay this time I am finished.

8 thoughts on “How To Find My Why-is one of the best questions for success!

  1. Great article and I really liked how it was laid out. You give a lot of reasons to act on your “WHY” and I enjoyed reading about it. My “Why” is to travel the world with my family and work from my laptop an hour or two a day and then enjoy my family. I have a good retirement and I just want to see the look on my family as we travel and see new sites they have never seen before. I have traveled all over the world and I want them to see what I’ve seen.

    1. Wow Danny that is a great why and to be able to share those places with your family is going to be amazing for all of you.Working from your laptop a couple hours a day and traveling while doing that is also a great way to go. Maybe we will get to share some of your adventures, through your blog.Best of luck with it and thanks for the comments.

  2. Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. I have the same goals and Danny in the above comment. I want to travel more and spend more time to see amazing stuff all around the world. This is what motivates me to get out of bed in the mornings. The fear of not having enough to do all of the things that I want to do keeps me going. I would rather not have to go to work every day just to keep on top of the bills, but we do what we need to do to get the things we want, right?

    1. Hi Andrew,

      I agree fear is often our motivator, however when we are taking the actions like we are, that can be replaced with a confidence that we will get our harvest time, to enjoy the fruits of our labor.There is a book I read called the Sedona method that is so helpful, in learning to let go of emotions that are there not serving us.

      Travel is one of the things I am looking forward to in particular, as well. We can all write about it in our blogs.Thanks for the comment Andrew and I wish you lots of success.The other thing is one day with a passive income you will not have to go to work everyday to pay the bills.

  3. What a nice post you wrote! I really enjoyed reading it and I could not be silent about your post so I decided to leave my comment here and say Thank You! For sharing this quality post with others.
    Actually this is exactly the information that I was looking for about my way in life and when I landed to your website and read this post, it answered all my questions in details.
    So I’m happy that you decided to write about this topic and share it with people. It’s very useful and can definitely be used as a great source for how to find your-way in life.
    I will come back to your website again for sure and I’m looking forward to read your new posts.)


    1. Thanks Ali for those kind words and I am glad it has helped you and as I said we are all more alike then we are different.I hope you find your why in helping grow your business and I wish you lots of success with it.

  4. My “why” has always been clear to me and so I have many goals: financial security/freedom, healthy mind and body, happy healthy family and to succeed in every area of my life.
    I realize that typing or saying these things are the first step in making them come to life, I’ve been working on visualizing these goals as well.
    Your website is very inspiring and I hope you get all you deserve.

    1. Thanks Amanda for the comment and I think visualizing is a big part as well.Thanks for your kind words and I hope you reach all your goals and enjoy the journey getting there.

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